mandaryn’s blog

approaching the half-way mark!

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Thu, 15 May 2008 08:07:39 -0400

so i havnt written in a long while... the end of my sophomore year is approaching! almost 50% done with high school!!!!!!!! and josh graduates next saturday! wow. life's happening pretty fast. since i last wrote, i caught my hair on fire, lost my job, broke my tailbone, and got disowned by my mother [my birth mom, not my mom mom]. this has been an interesting '08 so far! it's funny, cuz everything sounds negative, but it's actaully going pretty good. well, let's just say, life is unpredicatble. i'm probably not gonna write as much as i used to. i'm gonna be pretty busy this summer. i'm looking everywhere for a new job, hopefully one that pays more than my old shitty job of taking orders and making pizzas. welll, adios, y'all.

amanda:]]

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falling up.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:17:05 -0400

right now i'm at an extreme point of happiness. everything is almost almost perfect. it doesn't have to be entirely perfect, just almost. and it's almost there. ya follow? lol. my grades are better than ever. 2 B's, 2 A's, 1 C, 1 D. i just need to get those last two up a bit and keep them that way and i'm home free. then i'll have the rest of my life back. currently, i've just got work, school, and sometimes i get to spend time with josh. the parts i'm missing are church, friends, and the rest of my time with josh. speaking of josh, our relationship is great. i really do love that boy. today's a half day at school, so we're gonna spend the afternoon hanging out at my house. shall be fun! :] this just feels almost foreign, this happiness. i love it, but it's just not something i'm used to. i'm used to being pushed around, crowded out, and lost in a sea of depression. i'm sure my psych would say my prozac is kicking in, but no, that's not it. it wouldn't just start working randomly after two years of ineffective use. this is just life going well. :]

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familiar oblivion.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 07:47:45 -0400

life's going so fast, changing so fast, i can't even stop to think. i thought i knew how it would all turn out, then everything changed, now i barely even know where i am right now. not that it's a bad place to be, it's just... different. i'm used to being in control of my life. now... i'm not. everything's flying by, and it's just so scary. finally having everything semi-predictable, then the tables turn in a flash. it's slightly confusing. not that i'm not happy, though. actually, i love it here. i love being happy with what i have. it's just taking some getting used to, that's all.

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SB's over...

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 08:07:45 -0400

so spring break's over, and i'm kinda glad, but yet i still wish it never ended. but i really want to get the rest of this school year over with. School's not horrible, but i like summer better. So, a summary of spring break: friday josh got his wisdom teeth pulled, so the rest of the weekend i went over to his house about 6pm til 9ish to spend time with him, although no kissing was allowed. lol. Tuesday, he was doing a lot better, so we went to see a movie. Thursday, i went to the mall with mo and amanda, which was a fun girls' day. friday josh came over to watch movies. saturday i had to babysit, then i went to josh's. sunday [yesterday] he had an interview at kroger [he got the job!]. it was a pretty boring week, but pretty fun too. restful, definatly. We've been getting on each other's nerves a bit, but we're okay. Some of my friends say we argue like an old couple, which we sometimes do. lol. like today, before the bell we were sitting in his history class and a girl walked in and asked if we were together and i said yes. he had his headphones in and said "what? i can't hear you." so i said "well, maybe you can hear if you took out your headphones." and she laughed cuz we sounded like a married couple. we also argued about how he walks too fast and never waits for me. he sometimes annoys me, but no matter what, i love him, and i always will.

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SB '08

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:07:54 -0400

i can't wait! spring break is a good time of year. i never actually go anywhere though. i'm staying home this year too. i might spend time with josh though. he's getting his wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. we're gonna hang out a lot next week though. we're gonna go to the dollar theatre on tuesday to see national treasure: book of secrets. i didnt really want to, i wanted to see cloverfield, but josh got movie picks this time, so i get picks next time! lol. i'll pick a chick flick! jk, nah, i wouldn't torture him that much. lol. i'm so tired right now. i'm prolly gonna go home, IM josh for a couple hours, then go to sleep. he said he might come over tomorrow afternoon. he doesn't have to be at the dr.'s til 3:10, so that allows a good bit of time for us to hang out before. gah, i'm SO tired. i'm gonna go play gameboy for a while. adios, y'all. i won't be back on til after spring break. you think i'll spend my OWN time blogging? heh heh heh.

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my own pursuit of happyness.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 07:49:20 -0400

i'm almost in a daze of happiness. everything's going pretty well. me and josh are doing better. everything was kinda rocky for a couple days, but we're ok now. and i had some issues with friends that are getting better too. and the best part, i stood up for myself! i cussed out that bitch. she thinks she can tread on me and attept to make my life a living hell, but she can't. i have many ways to succeed in making her life hell, but i don't. but if she doesn't stop, i will. beasley was proud of me for standing up to her. she tried to say that beasley was saying stuff about me, but i knew better than that. beasley is my best buddy through and through. he would never do anything to hurt me. and that's where i drew the line and got in her face. i told bease about it and he was like "yeah!". lol. everything in life was kinda suckish for a while, but it got better when i realized that i've got some pretty amazing people in my life. i've got an amazing boyfriend who would do anything for me [josh], a best buddy who stands up for me and who's always there for me in my time of need [beasley], a best friend who i can talk to, although she covers her ears and does the whole "lalalalala. i can't hear you." thing when i get into the details she doesn't want to hear [mo], and some other amazing friends too. i used to always think i was alone, but i'm not. josh tends to think that he's a loner and he's always been on his own, but when he does that i correct him, i say "no your not, honey, i'm here for you, and i always will be." right now i feel pretty freakin' fantabulous. and i think i like it.

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gah.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:45:34 -0400

i'm so tired, i'm coming down with some sort of cold, and i have a headache from hell. josh wasn't doing too well this morning either. he got in a fight with his mom, so she won't take him to church tonight, so i'll prolly give him a ride to church. monica's having parent issues too. everything's pretty depressing around me right now. damn my head hurts... i'm about to go up to the science office and take a nap. i feel like shit. tonite's good friday, which will be depressing church. my family pretty much canceled easter dinner cuz grandma got her teeth pulled. lol. redneck family. well, i'm gonna get outta here and go to sleep. adios, y'all.

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typical rainy tuesday.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 08:28:34 -0400

almost almost almost ungrounded.

gotta bring up astro and genetics a couple points,

geometry up a bit more,

and i'm FREE.

i should be free by spring break...

but it sux cuz josh is getting his wisdom teeth pulled on the first day of break...

but he should be better a few days after that,

so i can prolly hang out with him some time at the end of break.

i might go to mi madre's the first couple days of break,

or go hang out with kayt if mom will let me.

but anyways...

today's started out ok,

except for the rain.

the sky is leaking!

lol.

study hall is always so boring,

i'm in the library,

grabbed a spare comp in the middle of michael's english class,

mainly a bunch of rowdy losers...

gah, i can't wait til i'm ungrounded so i can have a life,

ok prolly not much of a life,

just hanging out with josh a lot, prolly.

gah i hate stupid nosey teachers

gotta go...

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if i could go back in time, i would do this all again.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 08:24:57 -0400

it's wednesday finally! just waiting til friday, like always, hoping to get ungrounded soon. ha, like that'll ever happen. especially since i was so stupid last night... i snuck a boy into the house! josh, of course. and i got caught. caught in a lie, that is. i never lie! and i never do stupid stuff like that, but i did. and i don't know why. it was kind of an impulse thing. i never act on impulse! but we hot to hang out for a while, which was fun. we were goofing around and he said sumthin stupid, so i bit him on the hand, and he moved his hand away quickly, and my lip got caught on his ring. slightly embarrassing and now painful. i have a slightly fat lip. just in the corner, tho, so it's not too visible. THAT would be embarrassing! lol. so right now, i'm out of study hall waiting on mrs. fouse for peers practice, the abstinence program where we teach middle school kids about abstaining from sex. lol. i told josh that i was in peers and he just laughed. why, i don't know, but he laughed at me! grrr. lol. well, mrs. fouse should be here soon... adios!

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I'm in a fight with the world but I'm winning.

nobody@vox.com(mandaryn) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 10:35:04 -0400

so my best friend mo thinks that i was totally going for the "owen" thing with josh. owen from "just listen", that is. he's giantly tall, is never seen without his iPod, can be slightly mysterious, and has an extremely annoying sister. and he's totally against being a jerk. which is awesome. but i never really thought about the owen thing til mo brought it up. it does kinda seem like it. she said there's one part totally missing: he doesn't have anger issues. [thank God!] lol. we have a lot in common, and he's really sweet. he has a nerdy side, but i like that in guys. last night he came in to get pizza cuz he knew i had to work. i put in my discount for him. i was on the phone when he called though, so i didnt get to talk to him. but, lol, when he walked in i smiled at him and stuck out my tongue. he just laughed. i got sick after he left though, cuz i haven't been feeling too well. and i went home early. i talked to him on the phone for a couple hours. he helped me feel better. he's always there when i need him and he helps me to calm down when i'm stressed. i say anything negative about myself and he tells me no. i'm tired, he's okay with my laying my head on him and fall asleep. i seriously think he's my mr. perfect. he's a.m.a.z.i.n.g! when i say sorry for something [normally something stupid and unimportant] he always says "it ok" and if he's there with me, he smiles and sometimes grabs my hand or whatever. he makes me SO happy. yesterday i was kinda bummed cuz i wasn't feeling good, but i was so happy cuz i had been talking to him via text message and he was talking sweet like he sometimes does, and mo called me and beasley was im-ing me, and they were both really bummed about something or other that wasn't going well, and a few of my other friends were also freaked out cuz they think they're pregnant. i was feeling bad b/c everything was going well for me, and bad for them. when things go bad for a person i care about, i almost can't stand it. it just hurts so much for me to see suffering and pain. then i told him about how it was bugging me and he called me once i got off the phone with mo. and i was just kinda depressed and started crying and i was like "you understand how i feel?" and he was like "yes. i feel that way right now, cuz it hurts me to see you hurt like this." and i was like awww, that's so cute! and i cheered up almost immediatly. i was like "you're so sweet. i'm glad you're here for me." he's just so awesome. i was hanging out with him this morning too. i was really tired and still not feeling good, so after a while i fell asleep with my head on his leg. [he was in his desk in study hall, i was sitting on the floor next to him]. i still can't figure out why, but that boy is just so special to me. he helps me so much and he just cares so much. :] i've been thinking since it's not that far off, about what to get him for a graduation present. right after grad, he's going to cali for his internship. so i won't see him this summer. i don't know what to get for him. i'm thinking about drawing or painting something for him. or getting him a new iPod since his old one broke. haha. but not til i get a new one for myself cuz i don't even have one yet. lol. well, it's almost time for the lunch bell to ring, and that's good cuz i'm hungry. adios, y'all.

MANDA.

p.s. it would be great if i got some comments cuz it feels like i'm writing to empty space sometimes... THANKS!

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