21 posts from 2008

so i havnt written in a long while... the end of my sophomore year is approaching! almost 50% done with high school!!!!!!!! and josh graduates next saturday! wow. life's happening pretty fast. since i last wrote, i caught my hair on fire, lost my job, broke my tailbone, and got disowned by my mother [my birth mom, not my mom mom]. this has been an interesting '08 so far! it's funny, cuz everything sounds negative, but it's actaully going pretty good. well, let's just say, life is unpredicatble. i'm probably not gonna write as much as i used to. i'm gonna be pretty busy this summer. i'm looking everywhere for a new job, hopefully one that pays more than my old shitty job of taking orders and making pizzas. welll, adios, y'all.

amanda:]]

right now i'm at an extreme point of happiness. everything is almost almost perfect. it doesn't have to be entirely perfect, just almost. and it's almost there. ya follow? lol. my grades are better than ever. 2 B's, 2 A's, 1 C, 1 D. i just need to get those last two up a bit and keep them that way and i'm home free. then i'll have the rest of my life back. currently, i've just got work, school, and sometimes i get to spend time with josh. the parts i'm missing are church, friends, and the rest of my time with josh. speaking of josh, our relationship is great. i really do love that boy. today's a half day at school, so we're gonna spend the afternoon hanging out at my house. shall be fun! :] this just feels almost foreign, this happiness. i love it, but it's just not something i'm used to. i'm used to being pushed around, crowded out, and lost in a sea of depression. i'm sure my psych would say my prozac is kicking in, but no, that's not it. it wouldn't just start working randomly after two years of ineffective use. this is just life going well. :]

life's going so fast, changing so fast, i can't even stop to think. i thought i knew how it would all turn out, then everything changed, now i barely even know where i am right now. not that it's a bad place to be, it's just... different. i'm used to being in control of my life. now... i'm not. everything's flying by, and it's just so scary. finally having everything semi-predictable, then the tables turn in a flash. it's slightly confusing. not that i'm not happy, though. actually, i love it here. i love being happy with what i have. it's just taking some getting used to, that's all.

so spring break's over, and i'm kinda glad, but yet i still wish it never ended. but i really want to get the rest of this school year over with. School's not horrible, but i like summer better. So, a summary of spring break: friday josh got his wisdom teeth pulled, so the rest of the weekend i went over to his house about 6pm til 9ish to spend time with him, although no kissing was allowed. lol. Tuesday, he was doing a lot better, so we went to see a movie. Thursday, i went to the mall with mo and amanda, which was a fun girls' day. friday josh came over to watch movies. saturday i had to babysit, then i went to josh's. sunday [yesterday] he had an interview at kroger [he got the job!]. it was a pretty boring week, but pretty fun too. restful, definatly. We've been getting on each other's nerves a bit, but we're okay. Some of my friends say we argue like an old couple, which we sometimes do. lol. like today, before the bell we were sitting in his history class and a girl walked in and asked if we were together and i said yes. he had his headphones in and said "what? i can't hear you." so i said "well, maybe you can hear if you took out your headphones." and she laughed cuz we sounded like a married couple. we also argued about how he walks too fast and never waits for me. he sometimes annoys me, but no matter what, i love him, and i always will.

i can't wait! spring break is a good time of year. i never actually go anywhere though. i'm staying home this year too. i might spend time with josh though. he's getting his wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. we're gonna hang out a lot next week though. we're gonna go to the dollar theatre on tuesday to see national treasure: book of secrets. i didnt really want to, i wanted to see cloverfield, but josh got movie picks this time, so i get picks next time! lol. i'll pick a chick flick! jk, nah, i wouldn't torture him that much. lol. i'm so tired right now. i'm prolly gonna go home, IM josh for a couple hours, then go to sleep. he said he might come over tomorrow afternoon. he doesn't have to be at the dr.'s til 3:10, so that allows a good bit of time for us to hang out before. gah, i'm SO tired. i'm gonna go play gameboy for a while. adios, y'all. i won't be back on til after spring break. you think i'll spend my OWN time blogging? heh heh heh.

i'm almost in a daze of happiness. everything's going pretty well. me and josh are doing better. everything was kinda rocky for a couple days, but we're ok now. and i had some issues with friends that are getting better too. and the best part, i stood up for myself! i cussed out that bitch. she thinks she can tread on me and attept to make my life a living hell, but she can't. i have many ways to succeed in making her life hell, but i don't. but if she doesn't stop, i will. beasley was proud of me for standing up to her. she tried to say that beasley was saying stuff about me, but i knew better than that. beasley is my best buddy through and through. he would never do anything to hurt me. and that's where i drew the line and got in her face. i told bease about it and he was like "yeah!". lol. everything in life was kinda suckish for a while, but it got better when i realized that i've got some pretty amazing people in my life. i've got an amazing boyfriend who would do anything for me [josh], a best buddy who stands up for me and who's always there for me in my time of need [beasley], a best friend who i can talk to, although she covers her ears and does the whole "lalalalala. i can't hear you." thing when i get into the details she doesn't want to hear [mo], and some other amazing friends too. i used to always think i was alone, but i'm not. josh tends to think that he's a loner and he's always been on his own, but when he does that i correct him, i say "no your not, honey, i'm here for you, and i always will be." right now i feel pretty freakin' fantabulous. and i think i like it.

so i had the most amazing weekend! friday, i felt like shit, but went to church with josh anyways. him and his mom were getting along better, which was good. after church we went out to dinner at applebee's. i wasn't feeling well at all at that point, and i was freezing, so josh held me for a while to try to help me feel better. when we left, josh sat in the backseat with me, still holding me. and then he kissed me. but like a minute later, i threw up, out the window. well, mostly out the window, partly on josh, which i felt bad about. but he helped me wipe up the puke, gave me a peice of gum, and kept kissing me. lol.

saturday morning, i woke up early with a really bad headache. once mom left for work, i got on the comp and im'ed josh. i told him that i was sorry about throwing up, and that he's a really good kisser, so my throwing up has nothing to do with the quality of his kissing. lol. and i told him that he was my first kiss. he told me not to be sorry, and that everything's ok as long as i'm feeling better, and that i was his first kiss too. and then he told me that he loves me. it was all pretty much a very mushy "aww" moment. later that afternoon, i went over to his house. we made out in his bed for about an hour and a half, which was really amazing. i told him about my abstinence values, and he said he respects that.

sunday was easter, and i went to church with josh. we held hands during the service, and he almost fell asleep. (which is really saying something since he's a severe insomniac! lol.) he wanted me to go to his grandma's with him after church, but my mom wouldn't let me, so i went home, and fell asleep for about 2 hours. when i woke up, i talked to him on the phone for a while, and then got off the phone to watch tv with my parents. a couple hours later, the phone rang again, and it was him. he said "i'm at your front door. i have a present for you." so i told him, hold on, i'll be there in a minute. i told my mom and she pointed out that i was still wearing my pj's, so i went to go change really quickly. when i answered the door, he was standing there with a single red rose. i went to hug him, but my dog, sandy, got to him first. lol. sandy normally hates guys, especially tall guys, and josh is 6'3", so you'd think she'd hate him too, but sandy absolutely loves josh. so we had to try to get sandy to calm down and lock her in her "room" (the laundry room). he handed me the rose, and i hugged him. he wanted to see if my mom would let him stay for a little while, but she was in a bad mood, so he had to leave. so i stepped outside with him and shut the door. i told him thank you. and we kissed for a few minutes. it was really sweet. i really do love him.

i'm so tired, i'm coming down with some sort of cold, and i have a headache from hell. josh wasn't doing too well this morning either. he got in a fight with his mom, so she won't take him to church tonight, so i'll prolly give him a ride to church. monica's having parent issues too. everything's pretty depressing around me right now. damn my head hurts... i'm about to go up to the science office and take a nap. i feel like shit. tonite's good friday, which will be depressing church. my family pretty much canceled easter dinner cuz grandma got her teeth pulled. lol. redneck family.  well, i'm gonna get outta here and go to sleep. adios, y'all.

it's thursday... just a little closer to friday! and today's the astronomy field trip, so that rocks! this morning wasn't as fun as normal cuz monica made me walk with her to show her where the planetarium is, and help her avoid alex. lol. alex asked her out last night and she's the type of person that just can't say no. so of course, she wanted to avoid him this morning because she said yes last night and had no idea what to say to him. but i left after i showed her to the planetarium cuz i had to go see josh. i can't go a morning with seeing josh.

holy shit that just scared the crap out of me. a dog walked up to me and started licking my leg. A DOG! in school! i was like "woah! why is there a dog? is it suposed to be here?" and mr. p was like yeah. so i pet the dog til it walked away. it was cute. lol. i didnt think teacher's could bring their dog to school... lol. well... i'm probly gonna take a nap. and hope the dog doesn't lick me again...

almost almost almost ungrounded.

gotta bring up astro and genetics a couple points,

geometry up a bit more,

and i'm FREE.

i should be free by spring break...

but it sux cuz josh is getting his wisdom teeth pulled on the first day of break...

but he should be better a few days after that,

so i can prolly hang out with him some time at the end of break.

i might go to mi madre's the first couple days of break,

or go hang out with kayt if mom will let me.

but anyways...

today's started out ok,

except for the rain.

the sky is leaking!

lol.

study hall is always so boring,

i'm in the library,

grabbed a spare comp in the middle of michael's english class,

mainly a bunch of rowdy losers...

gah, i can't wait til i'm ungrounded so i can have a life,

ok prolly not much of a life,

just hanging out with josh a lot, prolly.

gah i hate stupid nosey teachers

gotta go...